What a Stass-hole!

So I'm watching TV Friday night, because that is what I do on Friday nights: sit in my apartment and flip through the dial. It's not even cable, because I am too cheap to pay for endless repeats of home decorating shows, lists-o-plenty, sports no one should care about and angry white men yelling at each other.

Speaking of, I happened upon a "special" on ABC from the "reporter" who from now on shall be referred to as John Stass-hole, as he is a virtual rectum of slanted and disenchanted information.

Shallow Hal that I am, I immediately took a disliking to Stass-hole the first time I saw him. I don't remember when that was, but I do recall the mustache and the perm. He looks like a '70s porn star, which is fitting as he's a dick.

He's become famous for his catch phrase, "Gimme a break." I am among those who would gladly oblige, if he means his nose or his legs.

What pisses me off so about him? For starters, the gimme a break shtick is typical whiney white male crap. He's always miffed at some type of perceived injustice or goofiness.

Thing is, even on the rare occasion when he has a point, he ruins it with his own lack of logic.

Last night he railed about how surburban sprawl is not a bad thing, but a chance for more people to own homes. Well that may be true, but it sort of glosses over things such as: the lack of planning going on; companies playing towns off of each other for huge tax breaks that don't necessarily benefit the people; a lack of concern about availability of natural resourses, particularly water; a lack of culture; the dominance of the automobile which is contributing to isolation and the collective huge ass of this nation.

He also seemed to imply that privatization of the ocean might be a good way to protect it. He showed this high school class example where the teacher passed around candy and let each person secretly take whatever they wanted, and if there was any left at the end of the pass, she'd redouble the amount.

Of course, none was left. But when she made the kids responsible for their own candy (which represented fish), they tended to it, for the reward coming.

And this shows how privatizing the oceans could work?

Well, wouldn't better enforcement of existing laws do the trick too? And exactly how do you divvy up water? Do you put big pens up so fish can't move from one area to the other.

In Stass-hole land this all was related to how bad public parks and toilets are. Well maybe where he lives, but the parks in Chicago and in the suburb where I live are generally well-kept and maintained by the government for all to use. Maybe it's just where I travel, but I haven't seen a totally repugnant public toilet it a long time -- though I'm guessing Stass-hole spends more time in them than I ever would.

He also railed about how outsourcing is really helping the American economy, not hurting it. Tell it to anyone who has lost a job, Stass-hole.

Of course, he is partially right on this. Outsourcing in and of itself may not be a bad thing. But what happens when those foreign workers start making too much money, too? Where do the jobs go next?

And the middle class in the country is shrinking. There are figures that show this, just as he had his chart to show how prices have deflated over time.

Stass-hole claims he is debunking what so-called experts say. Yet, he fails to respect the complexity of the issues at hand, too.

But complexity and nuance don't play well on TV. It's better to act pissed off.

Give us all a break and retire, like that annoying Barbara Walters and the strange Dan Rather.