He Thought Tsunami Was A Phil Collins Song -- But Back Then He Liked Nose Candy (Another Watershed Mark for The Age of W and Oprah)

350,000,000: 1,000,000,000

35: 100 = .35

Just doing some figuring for my buddy W. I know he’s no mathematician (though some say he should be a proctologist). See, 350 million was what his people initially said the US would give to relief efforts for countries impacted by that terrorist known as Mother Nature and the tsunami unleashed in the Indian Ocean.

A billion dollars is about what it costs each week to keep the mission accomplished in Iraq. So what W’s people said we’d give amounted to less than three day’s work fighting the evildoers.

Initially we were going to give a tenth of that -- or less than W's coronation is going to cost, a $40 million Republican party where everything should be served in silver troughs.

For people so adept at managing a political campaign, you’d think they could have figured out why this seemed like a pittance and got some “liberal” shorts (French cut, no doubt) in a bundle.

Why mention an amount at all, but just say we will do what we can? Why were they so slow on the uptake? Why does Bush say “um” so much? Haven’t they figured out how to use that prompter in his ear yet?

Our record speaks for itself on rebuilding places. OK, be careful with saying “rebuilding,” but still...

Yet, for all their supposed skill as politicians the Bushies aren’t good with world opinion. It’s like the spell only works here, and no matter what he does pisses the rest off the rest of the world. Like they care.

Of course, as the days went on, the old W gang dug itself out of his hole. So did the American people, opening their wallets. More than a third of us have given to aid efforts already.

Not to seem opportunistic, but this disaster presents a tremendous chance for the US in this so-called “War on Terrorism.”

Don’t cowboys like coming to the rescue anyway? Don’t true believers see a reason for everything?

Showing some of that Christian charity Bush so espouses is good PR. It shows we can really be the good guys (plus there’s bound to be work for Haliburton --- and now that the campaign is over, for the ad agencies).

I don’t see Osama bin Laden making any videos calling for Muslim extremists to put down their anthrax vials and flight training manuals for a bit to help out.

Maybe he thinks Allah is punishing the 150,000 who died and the millions left in the literal wake. Perhaps they wore Nikes or watched decadent reruns of Friends -- as if Friends reruns weren’t punishment enough.

Or maybe he blames the US for this disaster, the way Limbaugh still blames Clinton and the Democrats for everything. Then again, how do believers of any faith explain such “acts of God”?

At his beginning of the year press conference -- before someone could script it for him -- it would have been interesting to hear what Bush had to say about that, given he is a self-proclaimed born again. (Quick question: how many times can you be born? Can you be born again, again?)

That would have been an interesting press conference question to a prez whose people spread the word that his reelection was due in large part to people who cast ballots based on “morals” (abortion, gays, Hollywood NOT Enron or lying to justify starting a war).

But DC reporters suck. Covering a politician’s press conference is a shitty gig, almost as bad as covering a lousy sports team and writing down the wit and wisdom of athletes.

One smarty pants did ask about are preparedness if a tidal wave should hit the West Coast.

And Bush, between his weird pauses (maybe the battery was low in his KarlRove2004A, that transmitter thing he wears), said it was a good question, but he was no geologist.

Has he ever been curious about anything not spoon fed him? Come on. Didn’t he Google like the rest of us to find out about what the hell a tsunami is? From that, wouldn’t he wonder if something like that could happen here, and if so, if we have or even could be warned?

He’s all about homeland security, right? I’m guessing it’s way more likely we will have another natural disaster here before some extremists cause more mayhem.

After what happened in Florida (the hurricanes, not the election), you think brother Jeb would have told W over Christmas dinner about how emergency management works.

But no, W gives some glib answer with that dumb ass look he has, a cross between a stunned dear and a drunk frat boy.

Does he do any of the heavy lifting? I bet not, which must make him a fun boss for Type As to work for, in that they can pretty much do damn well whatever they want - as long as it’s in line with what the other A-holes want.

But I digress. It’s a relief for people to have a chance to do help in a situation where the devastation isn’t caused by humans.

And now, like W, I am being glib in the face of tragedy, but...

Another thing about the tsunami is that it trumps all the navel gazing about 9-11. Even as late as Christmas, I read an article that claimed the upsurge in the appeal of Chia Pets was due to post 9-11 baby boomer nostalgia.

Unfortunately, now such lame proclamations have just been shifted to pronouncements about the natural disaster.

Over time, it will be interesting to see which event has “legs” with the chattering pundits, lousy writers looking for a cheesy angle, and politicians looking to exploit voter fears. Which horror will stake lasting claim to the phase, “in the wake of”?

I’m giving the edge to 9-11 here in the US, because there’s a reason there’s an US in USA.
It’s hard to even conceive of 150,000 people dead from the same event, but religious leaders aren’t going to cast God as a villain.

Bush has said that the evildoers we are fighting are like no other the world has ever seen (my vote for evilest doer still goes to Hitler).

You can use military might to fight humans. Kyoto Treaty or not, nature is more of a crap shoot.

But I digress. Again.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s great how people are being so giving. Like I said, it could have repercussions beyond just that fact it is the right thing to do.

It’s interesting too that the Hollywood types -- the whipping boys and girls, so to speak, of Republican politicians, for their Californicating ways -- have been organizing benefits and giving big chunks of change.

Sandra Bullock alone supposedly donated $1 million. After Speed II, who knew she was so well paid?

Bands, athletes, all sorts of people degraded as scourges during the last election for their “values” are helping out.

If I watched the 700 Club I’d say they’re trying to buy themselves out of hell. In hell, they will play that benefit song being written by Boy George.

And do we really need to watch a telethon as part of the healing?

Sometimes it’s best just to shut up and give money.