20 questions about King Kong

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Bored on New Year’s Eve, I went to see King Kong. Granted it was a great looking film. But Peter Jackson really needs to learn how to be more concise.

When I movie with a surreal premise like this one drags, you start asking questions. At least I did.

1. I wonder how big King Kong’s crap would be?
2. Where did he go to the bathroom?
3. How much would he have to eat to stay that big?
4. Why did the natives roll their eyes back in their heads like in those old movies when white people stereotyped blacks?
5. What good was the wall around the city, when it turned out King Kong could jump it anyway?
6. What did he do with the other sacrificial virgins? Were they all white women, too?
7. If King Kong is a boy ape, where has his dong?
8. How come he could survive being bitten by T-Rexes?
9. What did he want with a little woman anyway? a friend?
10. How the hell did they get the ape back to New York?
11. How did the keep him knocked out that long?
12. What did they feed him and how did they feed him?
13. How come he could knock down brick buildings and crumble a balcony, but he could still slide across a frozen pond without cracking it?
14. Exactly how tall was Kong? He seemed to change size, though not as much as in the original.
15. As Kong appeared to be the only one of his species left, how old was he?
16. What happened to his parents? I mean, he was king of the island, so what did them in?
17. How come the bats didn’t bite the people, just King Kong?
18. What kind of drugs do you think the people who thought up the original were taking?
19. How did they rehearse the unveiling show?
20. What if King Kong has decided to go to the bathroom during the unveiling? I’ve seen that happen with circu animals.

Hmm, for some reason this movie has me fixating on crap. Go figure.