Saints B'gorrah: Song suggestions for inevitable Bono solo project

Since he is the next best thing to Jesus here on Earth, and even cooler since he has a rock band and a house in the South of France, it is only inevitable that Bono, Our Prince of Peace, should put out a solo album for 2006.

Maybe that will be the step that takes him from Co-Person of the Year for “making caring sexy” to Nobel Prize Winner. All those starving Africans will be so proud.

Anyway, here are some suggested song titles for the Patron Saint of Sunglasses to consider for that project.

The Gates of Love: a ballad about the guilt money brings and the magazine covers, too

Sud de France (Give Peace A Chance): a riff on a Lennon melody, about having a jet and attending to the needy

Buddha, Allah, Vishnu: a follow-up to “Yahweh” from the last album, God knows why

Saving the Poor/Kissing the Rich (A Cry for Africa): geopolitical ass licking

I’ve Lost My Edge: autobiographical rocker about pissing off a guitar player

Shades of God (Shine the Light): a bluesy ode to sunglasses

Karma Shalom Alakem: more stuff about how people should just get along, if only they would just listen to Bono and throw benefit shows

Names of Firemen: non-exploitive electronica where Bono reads all those names from the list he had at the Super Bowl set

Ego: about Freud, with three chords

Helms Bush: a Biblical ballad about a particular shrub in the road

Kentucky: an ode to Johnny Cash who was from the south too and whom Bono admires because he actually was way cooler than Bono could ever be

Induction, Inauguration, Invocation (Ramble On): AKA “I, I, I,” which pretty much sums up this Led Zeppelin-inspired spiel

Las Vegas King of Kings (Elvis, Sinatra and Me): a fictional meeting between Bono and the superstars during a Cirque du Soleil show in Sudan