Bring in your light sabers, boys

You mean we can bring in our light sabers this time?

That was the best line of dialogue I heard all night. And the guy really sold it -- a fat guy, at least three bills large, probably in his 20s, maybe alone. He had just the right touch of smugness in his tone, mixed with genuine dejection, as he ambled down the lobby to the theater.

Yes, he was there with the other nerds to see the 12:01 a.m. screening of Revenge of the Sith. And so was I, so I shouldn’t judge.

(Not like a black guy I saw a couple of years ago. he drove buy in his pickup truck and asked this white kid with sitting in a lawn chair at 10 a.m. what he was doing. When the teen told him he was waiting to be the first in line for the midnight movie, the guy shook his head and said, “It’s gonna be here for like four months, right?” )

But I figure it’s best to see a well-marketed epic with the true believers. That way you get double the fun for your entertainment dollar -- a colorful crowd and the movie.

I went to an older cinema about a mile from where I live. They showed the very first Star Wars there, too. If I remember right, back then the hype machine wasn’t what it is today.

These days all movies of this sort are launched with ritual middle of the night screenings. Star Wars, as I recall, sort of built up steam by word of mouth, not saturating every available media with constant reminders.

Now though the publicity machine insists on the 12:01 stunt, to which fans respond like Pavlov’s dogs. I’m guessing maybe between 50,000 and 100,000 people in the Chicago area alone went to one of these really early showings.

Mercifully, at the ragtag place I was there were only a few people in Star Wars costumes. Those people scare me -- not as much as the guy who wore his camouflage fatigues to the movie, but close. But I guess those in drag head to where they think they might get on TV or in the paper. (There was a man who looked like Elvis, but that can happen at any large gathering.)

In fact, for the most part the crowd was a nice group of folks and what you’d expect: mostly college aged, collectively overweight, mostly male, overwhelmingly white. A few with their toy light sabers, more with the souvenir 32-ounce cup with Darth Vader top.

. They played along relatively nicely with the lite hits radio station guy who looked like Moby who has a trivia contest before the screening. I knew a few of them, including a kid was an intern where I work, and a guy who really likes the musical Wicked.

No one left a cell phone running. The only heckling came before during commercials when someone yelled “More Yoda, less soda.” No one said “No war, more Star Wars,” during the ad for joining the military.

And what the hell is http:// www.takemefishing.org ?

As for the movie, it was better than the last two, which actually are the first two, which is part of the problem with the whole Star Wars thing, that George Lucas started in the goddamn middle of it, taking a good bit of suspense out of his prequels.

The other, bigger problem, is, that for all its imagination Star Wars launched the filmmaking trend equivalent of the dumb blonde, or what my dad would call “body by Fisher, mind by Mattel.”

That is, it’s nice to look at, but don’t go thinking too hard about it -- which of course is what way too many people do, including some churches holding classes on the religious symbolism of Star Wars. Yikes.

I hope there is beer and pot involved with that. I think substance abuse would help your understanding. And seeing at midnight seemed fitting as the Sith flick was like a dream in that it defied logic and physics, even for a fantasy.

SWIII supposed to tie up all those nerd-nagging loose ends, and I guess it does. It does move quickly, like a video game, which is basically what it is, as the characters don’t seem to react as much as they are moved as if by a joystick from plot point to plot point.

An I’m not going to bother reviewing it for you, because you don’t review a movie like this.

Besides, I’m tired, so I’ll make random observations:

Why do people and creatures in space movies all look like 80s English new wave bands?

How come there isn’t much green space in space movies?

In the future, HMOs will be operated by robots.

What the hell was up with the “bubble opera” the Emperor appeared to be watching. It was more new age stupid than Circle Jerk du Soleil.

Drinking game -- make your frat buddies take a shot after every reference/homage/rip-off you catch (Batman, Bladerunner, Godfather, Frankenstein, numerous Japanese films, Shakespeare....ready, Go!)

While the movie has anti-Bush moments it also glorifies war.

The Jedi don’t look so good either, having vigilante moments of their own. And Obi Wan leaves his Anakin/Vader sliced apart and burnt, but still alive instead of putting him out of his mercy or helping him. Very odd.

That Anakin couldn’t marry and that tensions that build from that point a rip on the Catholic Church?

Anakin kills younglings. Nice word, makes it sound like he slaughtered baby pigs.

What the hell is Lucas saying if he has the protagonist go bad because of his confusion about love and his wanting to protect his family? Muddled at very least the message was.

This movie could be enjoyed with the dialogue track turned off. John Williams is heavy on the Wagner, and the plot is no dumber than anything you’d see at the Met or the Lyric. I half expected Anakin to burst into an aria after he was changed into Darth. Now that would have been cool.