The best way to watch American Idol

With the sound off.

I was at the gym, and they had it on, with closed captions.

The night's theme was putting the wannabes in trios as the judges whittled them down to the final 12.

Without the sound the unintentional(?), cruel humor comes shining through: the smarminess of Abdul and Jackson, the poncer bitch-queen of Callow; the guilelessness of most of the contestants.

The best line: after blowing a lame-ass attempt at 40s music big time, this fat guy starts blubbering that the incident will be the last time he takes a chance with his music for the show.

They buy his sob story and ask him back. Encourage safe choices in shitty, over-emotive music -- that is what being an American Idol is all about.