I am wonked out: the short version of a long week in local poltics

Mix Kafka with the Three Stooges and you begin to get the idea what the Cook County Board is like.

Last week I was there to witness the witless, the board's battle to balance its budget. If you are not familiar with this feudal war, go ahead an Google "Cook County Board" and "budget"" to get the background.

Rumor has it Barack Obama considered running for Cook County Board at the start of his political life - he came to a meeting and quickly changed his mind.

If you don't know Chicago politics, basically the city is ruled by chieftains who have inherited their power. In the case of the city proper, the current mayor and son of the legendary Boss of all Bosses, knows enough to make sure the streets get plowed, the garbage gets collected and and the downtown looks pretty for the tourists - and it does. In the case of the county, our young Prince Hal, Todd Stroger, reluctantly took the throne after his dad had a stroke.

They kept how bad his dad John was under wraps, and the doctor who did this wound up being named the interim head of the county's hospital system. Todd has a lot of family in his administration. They don't serve him well.

Case in point: this budget balancing act: Stroger proposed one in October and it took him and the board until the very last minute before the court would have stepped in to mandate the budget be balanced, to actually do this.

Todd wanted some taxes including a raise in sales tax that would have eventually given the county government a $900 million surplus. When that didn't work, early last week he cut his request to a rate that would give him a slightly smaller war chest. Yes, he took that long to even hint at dealing.

Meantime, the media kept uncovering a relative on the payroll with a six-figure salary here, a well-paid friend there, job titles like "management analyst" that actually was a chauffeur, a hospital billing department that was not billing people to the tune of about $250 million.

Everything came to a head last week, with the board at a 9-8 vote against any sales tax increase. So the commissioners played a game of chicken where they spent endless hours going over amendments to the budget trying to whittle down a $283 million gap (that had been quoted at $238 million, but accounting seems to be either Hollywood shrewd or just plain incompetent) between revenues and what Stroger proposed.

Stroger supporters showed up acting as if the opposition wanted the hospital closed - including a guy who put a Santeria curse on Stroger's foes.

The low point came when commissioners voted down an amendment that would have cut $60,000 from each of their to-be-increased office budgets to increase funding the depleted mammogram program at the county hospital. A couple of the commissioners reasoned that no one should dictate how they spend money earmarked for them.

One even admitted the even though "I have more offices than staff," she still voted against it.

The final act of this portion of the saga played out for four days. There were shouting matches and lots of wasted paper and politicians who kept covering the same ground, and who asked the dumbest of dumb questions, in many cases apparently just to hear the sound of their own voices.

Speaking of, the poor woman who works finance has a voice like Minnie Mouse on helium. If Stroger wanted to play really nasty politics he could have had her filibuster, which would have driven the room into submission. Instead he gave the illusion it would be fine with him if this would have headed to the courts - and a court appointed guardian might not have been a bad thing for this dysfunctional bunch.

And the county board really does have back room offices behind its cramped board room where reporters corralled to a side pen would wander to talk with sources as the babbling babbled on and on and on and on and on. If you think it is glamorous to be a reporter, this would quickly dispel that myth.

All of this reminds that way too much of adult life is like high school. And that whatever level you might be at in your career, the next level is just an amplified version of all the crap you put up with on your way up the ladder. It doesn't really get better, just louder. If you're lucky the pay is better.

Anyway, before this gets too wonkish, it all came down to Stroger finally getting Commissioner Larry Suffredin to agree to a sales tax increase that will make Chicago's and Schaumburg's the highest on goods in the country. In exchange, Stroger agreed to support that the county's hospital will have independent oversight. Of course, those overseers will be appointed by the board so independence is a relative term.

And if you don't have a headache yet, you are a better person than I am.

Yet, I was also oddly captivated by this comedy of errors. My guess is Stroger will probably still be elected again in two years, because that's how Chicago is. And that's not really funny, but sometimes all you can do is laugh.