Care to make an investment?

I’m heading out to Northern California, the venture capitol capital (and I am not such which gets the a and which gets the o, but I’m sure there are plenty of the two together somewhere near Palo Alto).

I never got in on the Dot-com thing, mainly because they are afraid to admit there is money to be made off sex. Come on, Guy Space would be a great site, with home videos of strippers and dude’s lighting their farts on fire and shirtless drunks at tailgates.

And for the guys on the other team, Gay Space could offer similar.

Think of the confusion this may cause bad typists of either persuasion.

OK, I’m lying. I never pitched either idea. But I should.

I had another investment idea from this week’s weather in Chicago, which went from 60 and sunny and 12 and a foot of snow in three freakin’ days: winter weight shorts.

Just about every guy I know who weighs more than 200 pounds (which is about 80 percent of the adult guys in Chicago) and who is under 50 occasionally wears short pants in cold weather.

I say 50 because that seems to be the hemline of sorts for the fellows who still insist on wearing their shorts above the knee. The rest of us know that: A) unless you are a go-go boy short shorts are wrong, wrong and B) women wear skirts in winter - what’s the diff?

But to make wives and kindly old ladies who always ask at the grocery store if you are cold happy, winter weight shorts could come with linings or be made of the latest in heat-retaining micro fibers.

Then when someone asks why the hell you are wearing short pants in December in Chicago, instead of saying it’s none of your Goddamn business (which is more of a New York thing than Chicago, anyway), you can say, “They are winter shorts.” End of story.

My other idea worth pitching to some guy with lots of funny money: Since they are building so many Walgreen’s and there already are so many McDonald’s, why not just get it over with and combine the two. Get the pills you eventually will need from eating all those Big Macs right there with your fries and shake.