Raging queens, mumblers, dumbasses, old white people and fat guys

1. There are no “arrghs” in The Pirate Queen.

The Broadway bound popera has plenty of queenie moments (including gay bar garb for the seamen, a shirtless Irishman with a spray on tan, and fabulous Elizabethan garb); overwrought, over sung, over amped music made for American Idol contestants, but little swash in the buckling.

I mean, the pirates don’t make pirate noises. And they seem to be the heroes. Weren’t pirates really just gang bangers with boats?

2. If Bob Dylan is such a great poet why is it so hard to understand him when he sings? Maybe he has that syndrome where it’s tough for him to interact with people. His therapist makes him tour to help overcome his shyness.

3. If you're gonna make fun of someone for being a dumbass, don't be such a dumbass yourself. Case in point: PJ O'Rourke.

During a recent talk he gave a theory on why Illinois politics are so corrupt: it tends to happen in states with one large city surrounded by farmland. This doesn't take into account the cesspool known as Florida or the Wonderbread state of Minnesota.

O'Rourke also claimed 90 percent of all good things in America are because of business. Yeah, the damn government and those pesky child labor laws.

4. Nothing is funnier than watching white people in their 50s try to get down to a 74 year old black guy rapping. It happened at a Bo Diddley concert. Diddley also had a stripper come on stage just to carry off his guitar.


5. A bearded fat man goes to a Notre Dame football game wearing a gold hardhat with Jesus on the top, am Irish jersey, and actual football pants. He has a beer bottle in one hand, a foam covered can in the other and is on the cell phone. Proving there is a match for anyone, he also has a wedding ring. Maybe the wife was calling, grateful he was dressed at all, and decided not to go shirtless with the blue and gold body paint.