I feel so much safer now

A couple summers ago I read a pretty good novel called Big If, by Mark Costello. It’s about the lives of Secret Service agents guarding the Vice President as he runs to be Top Dog.

I bring this up because of the dog and pony show the Bush Administration put on last week about catching the “terrorists” down in Florida.

Now in the novel, these agents had to filter through information and scour crowds all the time for potential trouble. They have offices filled with files on possible assassins, many of whom have taken the time to send incoherent ramblings to the White House, others who belong to various groups of one sort or another of crazy.

This is what these people do for a living -- keeping an eye out for the troubled and insane. Every day risk assessment.

Somehow a group of disgruntled guys in the Miami ghetto of Liberty City who belong to what appears to be another wackadoo cult seems like what the Secret Service is used to, which is to say they hardly qualify for a press conference.

And here’s how I picture the exchange about what was supposed to be one of their targets -- assuming they could get money and find someone who even knew anything about explosives, then found a way to Chicago.

Goofy Guy # 1: Man, we should blow up that Sears Tower. It’s pretty tall. I been there. I got scared up there so it must be the work of the white devil.

Goofy Guy #2: Word

Goofy Guy # 3: Yeah, like we can find some terrorists or maybe just head to Indiana around the 4th of July and buy some explosives.

Goofy Guy # 2: Word up.

Exactly how hard must it have been to infiltrate this group. Even the FBI seemed embarrassed that the Bushies blew this up into a big event.

Thing is, if they keep doing this scary Halloween stuff for every knuckle head wannabe, no one is going to believe the boys who cried Osama if and when that awful day comes when it is for real.

What jackasses.