A Buffalo Sings the Blues

This Elginite ready to rumble

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September 29, 2009
Mike Danahey mdanahey@scn1.com
It's Native American Day on Saturday at the Elgin Public Museum in Lords Park.

The festivities will include Joseph Standing Bear Schranz -- an elder of the White Earth Ojibwe and president and founder of the Midwest Saving Our Ancestors Remains and Resources Indigenous Networking Group (SOARRING) Foundation -- doing a public bison blessing at noon on the hill overlooking their pen.

To mark the occasion -- and since the bison have been in the news a lot this year -- we asked Dakota, the male of the three-member micro-herd, our obligatory five questions. Here's what the big guy had to say.

How do you feel about all the attention you've had this year?

First, while it's nice to be blessed, why do people assume that we would share the Native American belief system? While they were nicer to us than white people were, they still ate us, remember? So I am a little nervous about Saturday.

Besides, I've been living here in Elgin so long, I think I may be Lutheran. I see all those folks going to that church by the park, and they seem like a nice bunch.

As for people trying to keep me and the lady bison here, well, we're flattered. See, we've become pretty suburban. At this point, the farthest I'd roam would be the local Aldi for some whole-grain snacks. What they say about the deer and the antelope here, however, is true. Those animals really do like to play.

It sounds as if there are a lot of misconceptions about you. Would you like to clear up any others?

First, those names they gave us. Dakota? I prefer to be called Jeff. Po-Key and Cahoya go by Cathy and Judy. We're in Elgin, not Montana, and want to blend in like everybody else.

And dudes, living with two females is not as sexy as it sounds. It's always "Jeff, why are you so messy?" and "Jeff, why don't you pay more attention to us?" And "Jeff, you never listen, and you never talk to us anymore." I feel so fenced in sometimes.

Also, it's OK to call us buffalo or bison -- just not Bill. Oh, and I don't like wild wings.

Are you related to anyone famous?

My cousin Ralphie is the mascot at the University of Colorado in Boulder and goes to all the football games.

Granted, the team stinks. But Ralph is hanging out with cheerleaders.

My great-great-great-grandfather Bob posed for a coin. And I overheard somebody say that he saw my cousin's head mounted on a wall at a local pizza joint. Man, you people can be scary-weird.

If you wind up having to move, where would you like to go? Plainfield sounds like a nice place for a buffalo. And it's not too far for people from Elgin to visit.

I'm pretty domesticated these days, so I don't think I'd enjoy living on an actual plain, though. Especially if it's owned by Ted Turner. He has restaurants, right?

What would be on your iPod? Springsteen -- "Born to Run." Bob Marley -- "Buffalo Soldier." Jay-Z -- "Run This Town." Lady Gaga -- "Poker Face." Some Nickelback. But no Black Eyed Peas. If I hear "I Gotta Feeling" one more time, I'm gonna stampede.